(via born-tobe-real)
(Source: himynameis-spring, via nyomorba)
"I just realized something… Homosexuals are saving the world. Humans are parasites that just consume the world and our population is increasing so fast that soon there will be no space but homosexuals can’t procreate as easily. Instead families are created out of broken ones and there are less earth consuming humans created. Next time someone tells me they’re homosexual I’m gonna shake their hand and congratulate them for saving us from our own little selves."
So, I just got home from a long day’s work and smoked a zol and chilled out in the garden, cleaning a set of plastic drawers. Suddenly, I heard my phone going off inside and ran in to answer. It was a telemarketer trying to convince me to get a phone contract that I didn’t need. Now, the more I explained why it wasn’t for me, the more she tried to convince me. By this time, the joint had kicked in nicely and was giggling with every word I said to her. Eventually she said to me, “Excuse me, sir. Why are you laughing?” I went dead serious and said, “I’m stoned.” There was a pause, then she said, “Excuse me?” And I told her again, “I’m not sober.” There was silence for a while, then she quickly said. “Thank you, sir. Bye.” She hung up before the word ‘bye’ finished.
If you needed a simple way to get rid of telemarketers, you’re welcome.
I’m water fasting, and haven’t eaten anything solid since Sunday. I’m not hungry for food, I just miss the taste of something in my mouth. I’m fantasizing about all the food I’ll get to taste when I’m done.
I came on here to ask everyone something, but it’s slipped my mind completely.
I just have to tell someone.
I’ve gone exactly a month without nicotine. I think I’m officially a non-smoker.
I don’t have tunnels, but I’m cringing at the thought of this.
In French you don’t say “I’m on my period” you say “Les Anglais ont débarqué” which translates into English as “The English have arrived.” I find that beautiful. The English. Small Englishmen are pouring out of your vagina. They are here. There is no stopping them.
(via samanthashadows)
